I just want to feel sad, I’m allowed to be sad, it’s okay to feel sad. I just lost someone I cared about, someone who touched the deepest darkest corners of my soul, my soulmate. In the words of a wise young lady raising awareness of mental health “It’s okay to not be okay”. (buy a T-Shirt) I’m not okay but I will be, it’ll just take time and that’s okay, it’s just part of the process. Part of embracing the emotions we go through when we lose someone.
This time I have nothing to prove, no dating sites to distract from what I’m feeling. The dating sites are only a distract from the sadness, masking the emotions and feelings with other negative emotions which only makes things worse. There’s no running away from how I’m feeling, another distraction I use to escape from the feelings, to focus on a travel plan, which in reality just isn’t possible. Simply to many responsibilities here that can’t be ignored. Who’s going to take care of the horses for a start? There’s no fun pics on Facebook showing the world what a great time I’m having getting on with life. The world doesn’t pay attention anyway.
I just want to embrace the sadness and grow from it, there’s work to do on the house and that’s enough of a distraction and it will all get done in time. Someone, a friend, who I have a great deal of respect for looked me in the eyes and said “Don’t worry you two were meant to be together” Those words have always given me a sense of warmth. All this isn’t about people feeling sorry for me, it’s not about poor me, it’s about embracing your emotions and running with it, not running from it. Embracing my sadness and accepting it as a positive and learning from it.